Before anything else, this will probably a looooong rant so if you don't want your spirits to be dampened or anything, steer clear out of this post. Though sympathies would be much appreciated.
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I'm being piss off by the least kind of people I'd expect to annoy the shit out of me - the nuns.
I don't know where to start this rant, I'm just so pissed off. I'd never expected to get such kind of words from them, from people who's supposed to be the model of humane acts.
For the gist of the story, click
here.
There was a discussion last night about this issue. I prepared myself in justifying my side. I'm not afraid of admitting my mistakes but I want to justify myself to point out that those violations were never really intended as an act of bad behavior or anything.
And so, I was given the chance to talk. They seemed to be overwhelmed in a negative way why I garnered a total of 15 unexcused late night arrivals as they wait for me to state my reasons. I explained briefly that it was org-related then immediately proceeded on explaining the root of everything - misunderstandings and misconceptions.
And I was shocked, not just because they refuse to listen to my explanations but because it was apparent that they don't want to be blamed for our behaviors. And the worst part of it, they told me to shut up right in front of my face.
So where's the RESPECT?If they thought that I was deviating the discussions from my violations to my justifications, they should have just told me. I didn't need a "You shut up!" phrase shoved into my face. And to think I would hear it from a nun. Don't make me laugh.
So there goes all my respect for them. All the reverence that I have for them taught to me since grade school, it all vanished that one night, with that one phrase.
One blow I could let go, but another one? I think it's already out of the line.
We were required to submit a letter of apology regarding our violations, meant to be sent to our parents. It's really not a big deal to me; I could always talk to my parents about it and I know that they'll listen to what I've got to say. So, I was forced to make a letter. (Never mind the fact that the sister reprimanded me because I haven't got the letter made yet.) So I made a letter and handed it to her. And I couldn't believe what she said.
It wasn't a letter of apology she wants us to write, but rather a reflection of what we had done. In my understanding, what we should've written in the letter was not the explanation why we were late; she wants us to write a letter expressing how shameful and despicable we were by neglecting the rules they had set. She made us feel that we were sinners guilty of the most disgraceful actions.
And from this point, I couldn't really care less. She began on telling us that the dormitory serves as the school where we would learn character formation and things like that, and how would we be able to evolve into a better person if we violate the rules they had set for us. Well, fuck them. What kind of formation do they think they're talking about? What do they want us to be, in the first place? Passive people who don't know how to think for ourselves, only following what they had told us? Just their act of abridging our freedom to express what's on our mind, do they think it will help us as better persons? Fuck.
Everybody was telling me to leave this place, but I couldn't make them understand. It's a great help to my parents that I'm staying at a rather cheap dormitory compared to the sky-high prices of boarding houses. There's also free internet access, free daily newspaper, and washing clothes isn't really a problem. Moreover, I don't want to leave my roommate, Jap, behind. She's the most wonderful thing I have in here that I couldn't just leave easily behind.
I'm prepared to make sacrifices but I'm not that stupid to suffer the unreasonable sacrifices. I'll definitely find a way out of this dilemma. I'll show them that they can't keep me locked within their clutches. Let's see who gets the last laugh.